|
vfcccutie
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Joshua
Location: Pennsylvania, United States
Birthday: 3/3/1986
Gender: Male
Interests: Studying the bible, listening to music, playing bongos, talking to my friends and family,and long walks on the beach!
Expertise: Snowboarding, skiing, sleeping, running and lifting, bridge jumping, and getting hurt.
Occupation: Student
Industry: Education/Research
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  joshiepoo657
Yahoo:  joshuakoss_1986@yahoo.com
Member Since:
9/19/2004
|
|
| This will be my last entry ever so thanks for everyone who ever messaged me and cared bout me.........................JOsh
| | |
| I finally met
somone that completely capivates me, and she is not what i expected her
to be but she is everything that i've ever needed, she's not overly
obsessed with me and she's not is she korny, she's somewhat shy yet amzingly fun,
she's sweet yet sarcastic, she's cuddely yet playful. And to be honest
I learn new things about her everyday. which i like so much! she's
smart and sufistocated (yea i which i'm not) lol... and to top it all
off she has a love for the nonwealthy people of Hunduras. Let me tell
you this too. I don't care what it takes or what anyone says about her
i'm chasing after this girl for the rest of my life.....and she got me
so good yesterday too.....she got somewhat disappointed and mad at me
because it got back to her that i said something similar to her which i
also said to another girl sometime in my life... which made mem look
like i wasn't being genuine........I GOT BUSTED AND SLAPPED IN THE FACE
HARD WITH THAT ONE!!!!!!!!! But you know what ....i needed it ......i needed to
be told that and it might have made me mad at her for a lil bit but i
realized that this girl was right......so therefore i made a promise to
her not to say anything that i might have told girls in the past....YOU
see for a while i was becoming so insecure with the whole finding
someone thing that i wasn't relying on God to put someone in my path
for me ....although i said i was..... and
just when i completely gave up everything ...and began distancing
myself from even my frineds .........she came along and grabbed my
attention like a light in the dark................. I don't ever wanna
let this go now ...........i've finally found some thing
worth holding on to here...............So I said all of this to say
that right now we're building a friendship one stonger than anyone
either of us has ever had in the past and at the same time we're
building trust too ......but i can say this
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,things are definitly beginnin to look up in my life
 | | |
| Today I realized how i truely need to get out of here. It was great
while it lasted but i don't think i'm supposed to be here anymore. I
feel the Lord telling me that i need to just completely drop everything
including my close frineds and just follow him. Where that is, I'm
still not sure yet but I can tell you this i need to be separated from
alot of things for a long time. The first being girls I need to stop
looking and trying to find my wife. Ever since my last relationship
i've come to the conclusion that i've been what most would call a
male whore. Sounds funny doesn't it but its the
truth although i haven't lost my
virginity i might as well have. I've been with more girls in the past 8
months then what i have all of my life........some were great
influences in my life and other we're only there for the felling of
belonging. So having said all of that I'm, as of today, substaining
myself from the seach for "wifie". SO there it is the first official
statement of my "Change" The way I look at it;
whoever the next girl is is going to be the one and i'll make sure of
that ......no more chacing girls that aren't
worth anything to me that even means if it makes me feel like crap and
want a girl more than anything. And the second part of my "Change" is
spending atleast an hour a day in worship and prayer. I need the Lord
more than what he needs me. SO therefore i'm devoting more time to
Him. I heard something so profound and powerful today and
it will always stick with me from now on. It goes "Don't be so focused
on being a man of God, that you loose sight of being a child of God
first." Powerful. thats all i
can
say
listen alot of you who check in on my life daily and check
my xanga hoping to read something new about me and whats going on in my
life I hope you understand how much i mean
this.
"Change" it is obvious but only over time so please if you say your
gonna pray for me ....do it ............and
don't just say it ............i need your prayers now more than
ever .................this is Gonna be the hardest thing i ever
do ......................and Please keep my mom in your prayers
too...........She goes to the Hospital again on the 8th and she will
then find out what she needs to beging doing to prepare for her breast
and ovarian removal......Listen to this day I' believe so much that
prayer really works ..............so Pray with all of your heart that a
mirical happens before the 8th where the doctors can just look at my
momma and say "I'm so sorry for mix-up but we were mistaken
when we told you you had cancer and if you did have it before it is
gone now." Now that is what i wanna hear the Doctors say
.........SO PLEASE PRAY
| | |
| Man life just sucks right now I was really hoping to have the best
break ever but it seems like everytime i expect something good to
happen it turns around and the opposite happens. As soon as I got home
i just had to see the one person that hurt me the most in my life and
guess what? she was all over this Kid that i would love to just pound
on. Yeah this anger has been building for a while now. To be honest i
don't know where it came from, but i will tell you this...this anger
has been building for so long now that i'm going to feel bad when it
comes out on the wrong person. And yet peices of it already have. So on
top of all of that I found out that my mother has to have her breasts
removed and also her overies because the Doctors found out that they
are cancerous so now I've got to step up and take on alot more
responsibilities which is fine and all as long as my mother is ok and
the doctors do all they can to help
her
you see i love my momma and i miss her all of the time she
has always been there for me more than anyone in my whole
life
and i honestly don't know what i'd do with out her in my
life
although we have not always gotten along like we do
now
she has always stayed by my side and been my best friend through
everthing....................so i said all of that to say that
life yeah pritty much sucks for me
| | |
| Going home tomorrow and kinda but not really looking forward to it.
Everyone just has those few people that they just don't look forward to
seeing well i have more than just a few and it seems like everytime i
go home i have more and more of those type of people. But there is many
reasons that i do wanna go home, to see my family and eat good
food, watch some football without any worries, and to just spend some
quality time with those that i love the most. Today I went
to go get my car inspected which i thought would only cost me $40 but
ended up costing me $400.00 as screwed as i thought i was to pay
that i called jenn and asked if there was any way i could
borrow that much and she turns around and says shure i'll just
put $400 in there in like a half of an hour What a blessing!
Thank you Lord for Jenn she has been a great influence in
my life on just how to be generous and kind and loving. she deserves to
be loved back. So please Lord save her life, let her know you like i
know you and Lord let me be an example in my life of your love for her
amen
| | |
|